1313: UFO INVASION (2012)

UFO INVASION is the last of David DeCoteau’s 14 films from the titular “address of terror”. Inspired by Oakley Court, Hammer’s own house of horror, the mansion is very much “part of the brand” like DeCoteau’s boys and their boxer briefs, giving the series consistent flavour: “I wanted a very similar modern castle on the hill, which is what that mansion is in the Malibu area of Los Angeles” (1).

Most of the guys are here and I’d hate for you to see us accidentally naked or anything.

On the one hand, UFO INVASION is a Beckettian nightmare, with twink after twink searching in vain for his buddies within the sterile interiors of the Malibu mansion: “Anybody home?!” On the other, it’s classic exploitation cinema, serving up a banquet of fresh meat (2). DeCoteau’s boys take turns performing a burlesque dance of death, each exploring, getting captured, stripped and strapped to the bed, flexing to break free.

Come on guys, you know I don’t like being strapped.

This is enjoyable, if silly, science fiction. Following his previous look at toxic masculinity in BIGFOOT ISLAND, DeCoteau grapples here with the genocide of indigenous peoples (yes, really…). Plot wise, Adam (capably handsome Aaron Thornton) has hired a mansion in New Mexico to pursue a Roswell research trip with his buddies. The owner is a cougar/MILF (Monique Parent) who is both sensitive to sunlight and committed to evil. Over the run time, boys are harvested and tension builds to the quite shocking (for these films…) climax.

Throughout, Harry Manfredini’s music does a good job of creating atmosphere, DeCoteau’s camera moves gracefully down the mansion’s marble floors (and over the bodies of his young cast…) and we actually have actors in the same shot (which helps with the overall sense of threat). If you haven’t sampled the 1313 movies before, you could do worse than stripping down to your tighty-whities and taking a dip with Willyboy (Christian Lake).

In brief? Alien invaders harvest assorted jocks, hunks and twinks for their valuable natural resources.

In boxer briefs? 5 out of 5. This is the whole cotton-clad enchilada.

Aaron Thornton came from 1313: COUGAR CULT (2012) and went on to TEEN WOLF on TV (2015-16). Monique Parent’s extensive career as “The Thinking Man’s Sex Symbol” includes 1313: BOY CRAZIES (2011) and Fred Olen Ray’s VOODOO DOLLZ (2008). Christian Lake has DeCoteau previous with 1313: ACTOR SLASH MODEL (2011).

Screened late from DVD, 07 NOV 2018.


READING (between the lines…)

(1): 1313: UFO INVASION (2012), DVD Commentary Track, David DeCoteau, Rapid Heart.

(2): “BOLD! SHOCKING! DARING! TRUE! A history of exploitation films, 1919-1959”, Eric Schaefer (1999).